Getting back into dating can be a challenge if you’re a single mother with children, especially if you’re fresh out of a relationship. You not only have to worry about yourself, but how your children will react to you bringing new people into your life, and theirs eventually.
This causes many mothers to be afraid of jumping back when this could be the best way for you to get back on track and enjoy some sense of normalcy. However, issues can be avoided when you know how to transition from single life to dating as a mother without turning your whole life upside down. Here are a few tips for getting back to dating for single moms.
Find the Community that Fits You
You first have to know what your exact needs are, and join a dating community that will fit it. You’ll have to look at things like age and dating interests before you start looking. Some sites will cater to those who are looking for a real relationship, or maybe you’re interested in dating someone who’s stable.
Others will have ways to limit the type of people who can actually reach you. Some will match you based on a set of specific criteria, including marital and familial status. This will allow you to avoid time-wasters, and becoming disillusioned about online dating before you get the chance to really start.
Look at the Family You’re Trying to Build
If your goal is to find someone who can fill an actual parental role into the household, you first have to consider what type of family you’re actually trying to build in the first place. You will then be able to look at a set of qualities that would make the ideal partner.
For one, you want them to actually love kids. Some may want to be with someone who already has children. Then there’s the possibility of uniting your families. Some might not want to take on the other person’s children, and you should make this clear from the get-go when searching.
Also, you have to be prepared for cutting people off if they’re not a match with your family. Your children will and should have a say on who you integrate. While you can’t give them full control, you have to listen to red flags and signs that they’re not the right person for the job.
Learn Everything There is About Them
This is another important thing you’ll have to do if your goal is for them to become a parental figure. You have to know everything there is about them. You want to hear from their family, for instance, and see it as a red flag if they don’t have any relationship with their family at all.
Another essential thing you have to do is run a background check on them. Find out what their real name is and run an initial Google search. You can then go more in-depth and check Incarceration Records on a site like Public Records Reviews. This site will allow you to recover conviction information from anyone living in the United States. All you need is their full name and state of residence, and you’ll be able to see if there was any judgment against them and for what.
Trust Your Instincts
In addition to that, you should always try to listen to your gut when you speak with anybody. Sometimes, just picking up bad vibes could help you see if you can actually trust a person. This is why you want to speak as much as you can with anyone before you actually meet them on a date.
You might find that they’re acting a little bit too perfect in chat conversations, which could be a sign that they have something to hide, or even worse, are sociopaths. You should also listen to your hunches when they first meet your children, and also check how your children are reacting to them.
If they’re usually very open and happy, but suddenly close down around them, this is something you should pay attention to. You should also ask them exactly what they think about them to see if their reaction was warranted and not just resistance from bias.
Make Sure that You’re Ready
However, if there’s one thing you have to pay special attention to when thinking of dating, it is whether you actually are ready to jump back. Maybe you could enjoy a little bit more time alone within the kids? You also have to give them some time to adjust to the new situation.
Getting back into dating after a hiatus can be tough for anybody, especially for single mothers. If you think it’s time, make sure that your family is on board, and be careful who you open up your heart and your house to.