We all try to maintain a man code when breaking up. We think that following unwritten rules will make life easier for us and our ex. But usually it turns out to be the opposite. First and foremost it is important to understand what is the difference between codependency and interdependency? Also, what a healthy relationship is, and what healthy relationship patterns are in terms of boundaries and dependency, and how people relate to one another. So in this article, we collected all the dumb superstitions about breakups and reasons why you shouldn’t believe in them.
1. You should always explain the reason why you are leaving
For some reason, we think that our ex will find it easier to break up once we explicitly enlist all the flaws that used to annoy us. In reality, these adult conversations always turn into a blame game where you try to justify your actions, placing responsibility onto the ex’s shoulders, “ You never paid attention to me, so I started looking at other girls! You were concentrating on house chores and totally forgot to look cute for me!” Do you still think every truth is the best choice? At best, your ex will be mad at you, claiming that you didn’t cherish her enough. But at worst, she might take it too close, and start developing deep issues. Why do you always need to justify the breakup? It’s easy. You feel the guilt and start explaining something that doesn’t need a profound explanation. Don’t be surprised that your ex starts annoying you with her hysteria and tears, trying to hold you down.
2. You still can fix each other’s issues after a breakup
How do you imagine it, especially if you used to live together? Would you move back to your parent’s house only to return in a month and resolve some more issues? This situation looks like a safe bet. Once you see no more problems, you can always get back. But how realistic is that approach? With that situation, you risk never to leave a relationship that doesn’t serve your needs. So it would be best if you sorted out all the questions that might arise before parting ways. Ideally, you should have a plan. Where do you plan to live, what clothes are you going to take back? If you leave, try to do it for good without leaving bread crumbs all over the floor.
3. The main step is deciding to split
It sounds ridiculous: imagine threatening your partner to dump her. And most couples do it all the time, for years and decades. However, they still manage to be together. If you find the situation familiar, most likely, you do not want to take responsibility for a breakup. It is very naïve of you to think that after another major mess-up, she would throw your bags out of her apartment and leave you for good. It is unlikely that a person who loves you the most would do this. The easiest thing is to erupt with anger, fight, apologize, and wonder how two people this toxic can still tolerate each other. Yet this is a trap.
4. It is essential to leave a good memory
This happens when you have a conscience that torments you. But imagine being a person who’s being dumped? It’s far easier to part ways with a jerk who is no good for you. If you want to make it less painful for your ex, don’t try to play an innocent man and make her feel bombarded by the controversy in their head. Make her exhale with relief. It’s not a hint to start being an a-hole. Just stay an egotistical and unreliable person for her, so that it would be easier to let you go.
5. You need some preparation
Who came up with “the preparation” thing? You can’t prepare a person to be dumped! It is unethical and stupid. If your feelings disappeared or you found a better partner, don’t make it a long process. Just collect all the courage and tell about everything at once. Your girl will understand (so will Ukrainian women for marriage).
6. You need to make sure the partner feels good when you break up
It might seem reasonable to think about your partner’s feelings, even if you are breaking up. But what is speaks about it codependency. The more you feel sorry for your partner and blame yourself, the bigger the desire is to get back with them and make them feel good. If you decided to leave, then leave without looking back. Try to switch off your “nice guy” remote. It’s the only way you stop hurting both of you over and over again.
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