Many people struggle with dating. It can be an even bigger problem when you have no sexual history, as for some, it causes shame and fear. People are afraid to go on dates with others who had more experience, both in dating and sexual encounters. It’s a major problem, especially in a society that still sometimes determines the worth of some based on how many people they have had sex with.
However, at some point in life, everyone needs the closeness that only comes from being intimate with a living human being. Unfortunately, sex dolls can work for a while, but for many, they’re not a long-term solution. So, how difficult is it to date when you’re sexually inexperienced? Here, you will find some tips on how to get over your mental roadblocks and start to date.
Shame is a powerful feeling. It can bring many risks when it comes to dating, like saying “yes” when you don’t actually mean it. Lying about your experience is a common problem with inexperienced people. They don’t want anyone to know that they haven’t done anything sex-related yet. They think that it will have a negative impact on their social life and their love life.
Be wary of losing your virginity to some random people. Everyone should think about having sex only when they are ready. Shame can sometimes cause rushing things up. You may want just to do it and no longer be a virgin, but consider that it probably won’t be good for your mental state.
Another thing people without experience may be ashamed of is their lack of knowledge about sex. If you are one of those people, you can just check out websites like Scarleteen, which will help you educate yourself from the very beginning. It is aimed towards teens, but it can be really helpful for everyone that wants to learn about sex and safety. Hopefully, knowledge will give you some confidence.
Understand Your Anxiety
Do you become nervous when you’re thinking about sex? Don’t worry, you are not alone! It’s easy to feel like you are by yourself, but it’s not actually true. Our society tends to tell us when we should have sex, how we should do it, and every culture has a different opinion.
For example, most religions will tell you that you should do it only after marriage, and you should feel bad if you won’t comply. On the other hand, in media, you probably hear about wild sex all the time. So who should you listen to? Only yourself. You know the best when it’s the right time for you.
If you want to get past it, one of the best ways to do it is to find blogs of people who struggled with the same problem. Look for people talking about this stuff as it will give you their experience and show you that your worries are not yours alone. You can learn a lot when reading about other people’s lives. For example, reading blogs is a fantastic way to learn about sex toys such as a Dildo that you can use to explore your body so that once you feel ready to have sex, you will already have an understanding of your likes and dislikes.
Don’t Dream About The First Time
Many people tend to imagine how their first time will be. As love stories tell us, it is supposed to be amazing, mind-blowing, the love-of-my-life kind of stuff. Unfortunately, it’s not true. The first time sucks for most people. What’s more, not only the first, first time sucks, but the first time with every new person is usually bad. You should accept that sex with a new partner won’t be what you have imagined.
In the beginning, you are both nervous. Women tend to think about how they look naked, try to make themselves as attractive as possible, and men stress out about technique which makes them focus on themselves and forget about the partner. Sex is supposed to get better after some time when your communication and trust improves. Then, you will be able to tell what you like, how you like it, and the shame of your naked bodies will be a matter of the past.
In fact, about 42% of all women are unsatisfied with their sex life. It is mainly caused by miscommunication and stereotypes. Don’t make sex a taboo subject. You should be able to tell your partner everything you want to make it better. Besides being open to talking, be open to listening. If your partner tells you that you are doing something wrong, don’t be defensive. Just listen and try to improve. Be sure that they are not saying that to make you feel bad, but the opposite.
The Bottom Line
At the end of the day, your experience makes you who you are. You have to acknowledge that you will have a few snags at first, but who didn’t? As long as you don’t freak out when it happens, everything should be fine. If you don’t seem freaked by them, nobody will care. In most cases, people are very forgiving and understanding.
The most important thing to remember is that your lack of experience in no way defines your future or present. Being confident and having high self-esteem is crucial when dating. Don’t let cultural or religious rules define you and make you feel worse. Just get up and start dating!