The #CocoGirl guide to….Getting Over It.

Here at House of Coco, we’ve had our fair share of heartbreaks. Whether it’s catching a cheating man to falling out of love – however the relationship ends, it’s never that easy moving on. The era of social media can sometimes make it even harder to get over it with his (not as good as you) new girlfriend declaring her love all over Instagram and it becoming a little bit hard to see. Our #CocoGirl shares her very honest advice on getting your heart back together and getting back out there…

Honesty is the best policy…so from a girl who’s had her fair share of  seeing & experiencing bad breakups, you’re definitely going to get it. Everyone deals with the end of a relationship differently so take some of my tips with a pinch of salt, but this is everything I wish I had known…

Don’t torture yourself…..PLEASE.

It is so so easy when you’re feeling vengeful or nostalgic to stalk the hell out of their social media. But let me tell you, as soon as you see a hint of them moving on, it’ll hit you like a train. I’ll never forget the day I found out that my ex (who was saying he wanted me back/arranging to go for drinks with) was actually secretly in a relationship with a girl I had been wary of when we were together. What hurt even more was that he had bought her the exact same presents that he’d bought me and that was very weird to see. To be fair, it put an end to my stalking habits, but it was not very pleasant! It’s easier just to block block block and try not to be weird and find other ways to stalk….jealousy is not pretty!

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Permission to wallow….give yourself some time.

My mum once said to me when I was sixteen and had my first breakup experience, that you’re allowed a day to be sad about a man. No more, no less – a day. You need time to process your emotions, and it’s always better to get it all out. Don’t do what I did when I was in my first year of uni and had split up with my long term boyfriend. Deciding a night out would be the perfect way to get over him, but the night actually ending with me crying so much in a takeaway that the man came out from behind the counter and hugged me. Absolutely TRAGIC. Don’t rush it, put some sad songs on and force yourself to have a little cry. You’ll move on a lot quicker if you don’t bottle it all up.

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You’re gonna need something to fill the time….start to love yourself a little more.

There’s a good chance that if you’ve been with them for a while you’re going to have a few gaps in your calendar now that they’re gone. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t go to your favourite places anymore. It might sound like something from Sex & The City, but “Master-Dating” is becoming more and more common. Never be afraid to go for lunch or go for a nice cocktail on your own, it can be a very liberating experience and totally different to being there with someone else. If you’re in Leeds, Trinity Kitchen & Zaap Thai are the way to go for a little bit of self-dating. #treatyourself

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Try not to burn your bridges & don’t be spiteful!

Pains me to say this, as I have done both of the above before, but it never ends well. Yessssss putting your exes number on YikYak may seem a good idea at the time & it seem very funny. But think about the consequences. There’s a fine line between letting your feelings be known and genuine harassment & stalking. Don’t be that girl who sends hundreds of abusive Whatsapps when you’re hurt, because as soon as you calm down, you’re going to feel really embarrassed & there might be serious consequences. Yes you might of been royally screwed over, but hold your composure.

Also, there’s a reason why you loved that person in the first place. So try and keep that in mind and don’t eradicate any chance of getting back together. Feelings can change over time and you don’t want to be the crazy ex girlfriend from his past that he’d hate to bump into….do you?

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The best way to get over somebody…is to get under somebody else. But maybe not right away…

As Samantha Jones would do, getting back in the game is definitely one of the easiest ways to forget about your ex. However, try not to jump into bed with the first person you date. It could end up backfiring and making you feel a little bit confused about what you want. Don’t get me wrong, it’s your prerogative if you want to rebound and sleep with that guy at the office you fancied the whole time you were with your ex, but make sure it’s the right decision for you! Also, it may not actually be what you need – be like Carrie Bradshaw and maybe get your kicks from a new pair of shoes or an amazing dinner with your gal pals?

moving on

Don’t go looking for a replacement him or her…be open to new experiences.

Yes he may of been the love of your life, but BEEN is the operative word. He’s your past, and you need to focus on your future. As i’ve said before, you don’t need to rule out ever getting back together, but why not open yourself up to new opportunities? Maybe he was a good fit for the old you, but now you have a chance to potentially have a totally different life with somebody who can take you down a new path. Surely change is good! If you’re finding yourself clinging on to that chinese restaurant you both used to go to, find someone who will take you to an amazing pizza place and that’ll be your thing. Life is a series of different events, so why stick to one theme?

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Make yourself look and feel absolutely FIRE.

Yes, this could work for the whole ‘show him what he’s missing’ but it’s not about that. A little bit of beauty therapy, or a new haircut could work wonders for your self esteem. Self-esteem and self-worth can definitely decline a little after a breakup, especially if it wasn’t your idea, so why not build yourself back up and realise that you don’t need a man to validate you. For me, a bouncy blow-dry and a new set of nails can be just as uplifting as a good date, trust me!”

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