Whether it’s that special someone or just a close friend or relative, we all want to be loved. Furthermore, we all want to give love, hopefully, at least. Nevertheless, there are multiple ways to express love. According to author Gary Chapman, there are five distinct love languages. They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Giving/Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Chapman states that identifying your love language will give you a clearer understanding of the root of your conflicts, and how to give and receive love in a more meaningful way. Let’s dive deeper into each language.
Words of Affirmation
This is the act of verbalizing affirmation towards those you love. It is commonly expressed through writing love letters and bragging about your significant someone to others. If this is your love language, try resolving conflicts through statements that create trust such as, “you can count on me”, or “call if you need anything.” Additionally, a good way to start is to offer a sincere apology.
Acts of Service
If this is your language, it means that you are willing to jump in and accomplish tasks to ease the burden on your loved one. This includes doing common chores or pampering your loved one after a hard day. Conflicts can be resolved through being aware of any behavior changes that need to be made and acting on them. This requires being willing to accept fault and embrace change.
Giving/Receiving Gifts
In this context, gifts refer to anything tangible given to your loved one out of thoughtfulness and effort. Surprising your loved one with their favorite treat or going the extra mile on birthday presents are examples of this expressing this language. Resolving conflicts through this would be giving tokens of love. If you find yourself stuck, gift guides (gifts for her ideas, gifts for him ideas, etc.) are a great way to start if this is your love language.
Quality Time
This language consists of spending quality time with your loved one and giving them your full attention. Examples of this include planning a date night or pursuing a hobby together. Quality time can be used to solve conflicts by showing empathy and letting the person talk without interruption. Another simple way is using body language such as making eye contact and making sure all attention is focused on them.
Physical Touch
Physical touch refers to non-sexual touches that reinforce your presence and fondness. Anything from long hugs to holding hands and kissing on the cheek or forehead, etc. count as physical touch. Conflict can be resolved through physical touch by offering a hug after a resolution has been reached or cuddling in bed.
Overall, knowing your love language and channeling it is a good way to understand how to best serve your loved one amidst conflict and in general.
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